Rum Covered Snowflakes
by crimsonpacific
Summary: In an attempt to escape joining the next generation of Death Eaters, Draco embarks on a journey to 'the cold America', otherwise known as Canada. Chaos, randomness and rum covered snowflakes ensue.
1. The Worst Deal Ever

Draco paced in front of the heavy wooden door, half schemed plots running through his mind as he wondered how he was going to get out of becoming a Death Eater. Why did he -the king of Slytherin, ruler of all that is stylish and devilishly good looking- want to prevent such a fate? Well, for one thing, their 'meetings' were rather lame, and those masks? Horrendous. Draco would rather die then be seen in one of those outdated, unstylish robes. The fact that he'd be wearing a mask while clothed in them was beside the point.

Draco turned to pace back across the hallway for the two-hundred and twenty-seventh time, when a faint tapping against a nearby window distracted him.

"Damn, lost my count." He muttered, turning to look at the offending pane of glass. A school owl glared back at him, fluttering its wings and daring him to let it in. Draco considered cursing it for bothering him, but then it raised a leg, showing him the letter attached to it. He hurried over to let the bug-eyed bird in, snatching the letter from its claws before it could contaminate his pristine robes with its ghastly pink feathers.

'I don't even want to know what Dumbledore's been up to.' He thought, ripping the letter open and removing the bright, sparkling paper from within, the contents were written in the most gaudy orange and lime-green letters Draco had ever seen. He watched as the letters ran screaming across the page, vibrating the paper in his hands.

STUDENT EXCHANGE PROGRAM!

Experience the stunningly snowy country of Canada in a year-long exchange program!

Watch as the 'quaint natives' paint their means of transportation, the precious prancing moose!

Ride to school by dog-sled!

Experience the many joys associated with living and attending school in an igloo!

Participate in our year-long exchange program! It'll feel like a life-time away from home!

Draco stared at the page, wondering what kind of crack the creator must have ingested in order to use those hideous colors. He sighed, crumpling the letter in one hand, annoyed at the waste of time its contents had been. Precious time he should have been using to plot a way to avoid becoming one of the worlds leading masked fashion faux-pas.

He tossed the paper onto the floor, leaving it for the house elves before trudging down the stairs, what the hell was he going to do? He needed more time!

He made it halfway down the stairs before a thought struck. A year-long exchange program? That would give him an entire year to come up with a plan! Turning around, he tripped on his long flowy robes and fell down the stair case, jumping up when he reached the bottom in order to take two large fistfuls of his robe and run back up the stairs, producing a remarkably accurate impression of a girl in a dress while doing it.

Reaching the top, he pointed at the house elf picking up the paper, and screamed "YOU!" the house elf stared back at him in wide-eyed terror. "You!" he repeated for good measure, stalking up to the trembling elf. "I need that paper!" he said, looming over the elf to snatch the paper from its petrified hands before turning to run back to the doors outside his fathers study.

Bursting through them he called out. "Father!" And froze when he saw that the blond haired man was speaking to the pasty faced reptile that was the so called 'Dark Lord' of the Wizarding world.

Draco gulped when the two men turned their cold eyes onto him. Making his voice as civil as possible he said "Father I must go on an exchange trip to Canada right away. It is imperative that I embark on this dangerous mission to the country of caribou and moose so that I may live in a frosty igloo and drink maple syrup. I shall be suffering and withstanding these hardships in order to enhance our brotherhood of darkness. I do this all for Milord so I may increase your glory before joining your wondrous pie contest! I mean cough club."

He prayed that the ending wasn't too much, as the Dark Lord glared at him with glowing red eyes. (Which would have been a wondrous shade of red, if not for the fact he clutched a hot pink tea cup in his clawed hand.)

"Lucius," The dark lord asked, "What have you done to your son? You haven't been indulging in your opium habit again have you? I thought I ordered you to share when you got a new order in."

Lucius cleared his throat. "Of course not your lordship, I have no idea what the boy is going on about."

Both sets of eyes turned to Draco as he began to sweat. "Well you see father….and my lordshit. I mean ship. SHIP! There is a student exchange to Canada this year through the school that I wish to partake in. I feel that I've successfully turned all the Slytherin's to your greatness. I now feel I must further your campaign of flowery darkness to a new country across the sea, in the ice!" Draco ignored the mental image of last years Slytherins hanging around the common room, smoking 'magic' leaves and saying "Dark Lord? Nahhhh." If Voldermort ever found out that his future followers were uninterested stoners who would rather follow pot around rather than his wrinkly ass, Draco would be in for the most flowery howler of his life, courtesy of his wrinkled highness.

Lucius stared at his son in disgust. For months now he had suspected his son did not want to become a Death Eater, but this proved it. There was no way that any one would buy his eccentric rant. The Dark Lord on the other hand…

"My god Draco" He began "You have a devious mind, just like your pappa's! Brilliant! Simply brilliant!!!" Lucius started at Voldemort in horror as he continued his praise of Draco. "You simply MUST send the boy to the cold America!"

"Canada." Draco corrected.

"What?"

"The excange program is to Canada Milord."

"What ever." Voldemort said, fluttering his hands at Draco "In any case, my domain shall soon expand to the cold, dark back ward region of Canada! Dun dun dah!"

"Um. My lord?" Lucius asked, "did you just insert your own theme music?"

"Why yes, my small and slightly pathetic –who will never live up to the greatness of his son- minion of minor terror."

And that was how Draco found him self facing a gathering of Slytherin's, trying to explain to them that the coin he clutched in his sweaty palm was their only chance of escaping his wrinkly lordship, and his out dated and horribly unstylish black robes and tacky masks.

"We had a plan?" Flint asked, raising a 'magic leaf' pipe and taking a drag before exclaiming "Right on Draco! Good luck!"

Draco sighed as he stared at the stoner and wondered how his whole house had managed to keep up there evil persona while being stoned half the time…

Tbc…

A/N:

Pacific: So, after two years, this is our second baby.

Crimson: We may have abandoned Purple Monkeys, but we WILL finish it one day…

Pacific: in the mean time, enjoy our latest progeny.


	2. Here's Canada, Where's the Rum?

Chapter two

Crimson: ok guys you know the drill. Disclaimer-We don't own, you don't sue.

Pacific: Thanks for all the re-veiws!

The pulling around Draco's navel stopped just as quickly as it had started. But in stead of landing gracefully on his feet as he normally would have, he was thrown into a wall of shelves rather hard.

The shelves cracked under the pressure of his body, dumping the alcohol bottles all over him like some kind of sick shower. Then, as if that wasn't enough embarrassment, he landed on the ground with a dull thud.

His trunk on the other hand had landed only half way onto a bar table, teetering between safety and disaster. And due to the fates despising Draco with the fiery passion of the sun, his rather heavy trunk tilted a little too far over the edge and landed on top of him in a vertical way, arching his spine in a way that it wasn't supposed to.

With a growl Draco glared at the pork key in his hand, the damn thing was still shaking and sparking. Of course, it WOULD be his luck that he got a damaged pork key.

And just before he thought that things couldn't possibly get any worst, he heard the lock of his trunk break from the strain before spilling all his possessions all over him and the ground.

He stared at his clothes as they soaked up a mix of pungent liquids, not realizing that the thudding he was hearing wasn't, in fact, a newly arrived headache, it was the sound of heavy boots stomping towards him. 'Make that stomping troll boots.' He thought as the boots came into sight seconds before the empty trunk was yanked off his back. He looked up to see a very, VERY angry lady glaring down at him. The fact that her right eye twitched every time he blinked couldn't be a good sign.

He leapt to his feet, brushing the front of his robes off before extending a hand to her. "How do you do?" he asked.

If possible, the twitching increased, "How do I do?" she asked, voice unsteady. "HOW DO I DO?!?!?! I'LL TELL YOU HOW THE FUCK I DO, YOU JUST SMASHED UP MY BAR AND-"

The door behind her swung open and Draco refrained from sighing in relief when two figures emerged.

"Nickey! How are you do…ing?" The first figure, which turned out to be a rather tall girl, said as she took in the sight in front of her.

The second figure, -who also was female but was shorter and had bright purple hair- burst into laughter at the sight. "So this little spaz is your new friend eh Alex?"

Signing, Alex, the girl with green hair sighed and muttered "Shut up Sam."

Sam on the other hand only laughed louder. "What? I can't help the fact that you're stuck with him for the next few months."

"Dude, that means you are too." Alex muttered.

Sam stopped laughing long enough to say "True but at least _I_ don't have to live with him." She smirked, sizing Draco up, "He'll be great fun at parties."

Alex rolled her eyes and walked over to Draco, extending her hand. "I'm guessing your Draco. Well I'm Alex, your exchange partner."

Draco looked at the teen girl, unimpressed; her black and green hair was pulled back into a pony tail that hung down her back. She wore a tight black top and baggy black pants that bunched up around her feet. In his opinion, the girl was a walking fashion mistake. Summoning the grace only a Malfoy possessed, Draco held out his hand saying "I am indeed Draco Malfoy, your exchange partner."

"Oh well that's all great and just fucking dandy Alex! BUT WHO'S GOING TO CLEAN UP THIS MESS? IT SURE AS HELL ISN'T GOING TO BE ME!" Nickey glared at Draco.

Both Draco and Alex stared at the red faced bar tender, trying to think of what to say. Eventually it was Sam who slid in between Nickey and the other two, effectively blocking Nickey's view.

"Nickey! So tell me when are you getting those new blinds in? 'Cause I gotta say, those old retro one suck ass." Sam said in a sickly sweet voice, smiling as she tried to force down the bar tenders blood pressure by sheer force of will.

Nickey looked at Sam with suspicion. "Thursday." She muttered.

"Oh excellent. Because no one, and I mean NO ONE will come to this club if you keep those blinds." Sam said as Alex quickly stuffed Draco's belonging back into his trunk.

"Well no ones going to come since all my booze are now COVERING THAT BLONDE BRAT!" Nickey snapped and Draco took a step back.

Without missing a beat, Sam said with a large grin "Yeah well, when's the new batch of Fire Rum coming in? Better yet, when's the new Water Rum coming in? I've heard that it's twice as hot as fire…kinda funny actually."

Nickey kept glaring at Draco, but shrugged, "End of the week. Maybe."

"Nice." Alex said, stuffing the last of Dracos sticky clothes into the trunk before closing and locking it. Draco noticed that the floor wasn't wet anymore either. She had either mopped the floor with his designer clothes, or she'd done some wandless magic since Draco hadn't seen a wand.

"Right. Well, now that _that's_ settled," Sam said, grabbing the handle to Dracos' trunk and heading towards the door, "we'd better be on our way."

The two girls slowly made there way to the front door with large grins on their faces while dragging Draco and his belongings with them.

Nickey, noticeing what the two girls doing, quickly sneered "Oh I don't think so girls! You may have cleaned up the booze on the floor, but what about paying me for all those wasted bottles, eh? Who's going to pay for that?"

Sam and Alex shared a nervous glance; neither girl came from money, and due to that fact, they suspected Draco had come from a middle class family too and wouldn't have the money to pay for the wasted alcohol either.

Plastering yet another grin on her face, Sam stepped forward and cheekily said "Well you know us, we'll repay you, just give us a few days."

"Yes I DO know you! That's why I'm WORRIED!" Nickey snapped.

But while Sam and Nickey argued over when payment for the alcohol would take place, Alex quickly pulled out her thin wand and whispered "Alohamora." While pointing it towards the back of the bar.

Every one went deadly quiet as a high pitched screech was heard coming from the back and a bright pink, cat sized dragon came flying out of the back and began flying circles around the bar.

Taking a deep breath Nickey darkly said "How in the hell did Fluffy get out?" Her dark green eyes followed the small dragon, and looked ready to kill the tiny creature, along with the reason for its break for freedom.

While her attention was temporarily distracted, Sam and Alex both turned tail and ran; Alex grabbing Draco around the arm, and Sam dragging the trunk behind her. The two girls darted out into the busy street, and down the first ally. The trunk was barely behind the safety of the wall when Nickey came storming out of her bar, yelling obscenities.

Alex panted, flopping down onto the top of the trunk, a grin plastered across her face. "That was close." She said.

"That was fun." Sam agreed, plopping down next to her on the trunk.

Draco cleared his throat, reminding them that he was still there. The girls ignored him as Alex peeked around the corner before darting up and grabbing the trunk again.

"Shit, she's coming this way!"

Sam grabbed the other end of the trunk and the two of them darted off further down the alley, Draco following close behind.

Rounding the back of the bar, Draco followed his trunk and its carriers as they followed the back alley across several roads until they dropped it.

"Think we've lost her yet?" Sam asked.

Alex, still panting from the effort of sprinting with a trunk, only nodded.

Sam turned towards Draco, giving him a once over before declaring, "You'll have to change."

Draco looked down at his clothes. Pants, shirt and robes were all still pressed and in pristine condition. He looked back up at her, wondering if she was blind.

"If you'll recall an incident only a few moments ago, you'll recall that I don't have anything clean to wear. Besides, what's wrong with these robes?"

Alex laughed from behind him. "The problem is that their ROBES, you'll have to change into something muggle-ish."

Draco gave her a look of disgust. "You can't be serious."

Sam rolled her eyes. "She's right, you stand out too much with those clothes on, even in THIS city you still stand out, and that's saying something." Draco raised an eyebrow in question. "We seem to collect a lot of freaks around here." She clarified.

Alex snorted. "Shouldn't complain since you're one of them."

Sam glared back, "Look who's talking." Alex shrugged and Sam turned back to Draco, "Doesn't matter, you still have to change."

"I don't HAVE any muggle clothes." He protested, appalled by the very idea of wearing such an inferior type of clothing.

"Don't worry," Alex said, smiling an evil smile as she pressed a hand on either side of his trunk, "we can fix that." Draco watched as his trunk shrank between her hands until it was small enough to fit in a pocket. She tossed it to him and he tucked it away.

Expecting a ministry owl to appear, Draco asked, "Should you be doing that?"

"What?" Alex asked, circling around behind him and tugging on the back of his long robe.

"Magic." He said.

"Why shouldn't I do magic?" she asked, managing to get the robe down to his elbows before he could protest. She gave it another yank and Draco wriggeled his arms out of the sleeves so that he could turn and glare at the girl.

"Perhaps because you aren't allowed to do magic outside of school until you are of age?" he said, making a grab for his robe as Alex tossed it to Sam, who held it up.

Alex placed a hand on either side of it and sure enough, it shrank smaller, just as his trunk had. She handed it back to him and this time it was Sam that examined him.

"Still a bit formal," she said, "but it'll have to do until we can get him something else." Alex nodded in agreement, turning to follow as her friend started walking.

"Where are we going?" Draco asked, already hurrying to catch up.

Turning to grin at him, Alex said, "To get you some _real _clothes."

TBC…

Pacific: Well then, I think that just about sums it up, after only two months we've finally managed to finish and post the second chapter! (Damn, we're getting slow in our own age!)

Crimson: Slowly recovering from school in our defense we just started our x-Mas break from college! COLLEGE PEOPLE!!!! Falls over into a deep sleep

Pacific: umm…don't mind her, … pulls sheet over body and walks away


	3. Trust in the Little man

Disclaimer: We don't own, you no sue.

Draco pondered just how his life had changed to the point where he willingly plunged himself into the depths of muggle society. Granted, he was only following the two girls ahead of him because if he were to do otherwise, he's be lost in seconds, but still, it just wasn't right!

After running down innumerable streets and alleys, shirt tails flapping, they came to a bare stretch of wall. Sam tapped several bricks and the wall opened in front of him. Draco just stared at them,

"What?" Sam asked, "This city WAS originally colonized by the British, why shouldn't it use some of their tricks too?"

Draco looked around for the Ministry owl that had never shown up. "Shouldn't you be getting an owl?" he asked.

"What?"

"An owl? A messenger? A letter telling you that as an underage witch, you shouldn't be using magic?"

Sam looked confused, but Alex's face morphed into one of understanding. "Oh, that! No, we don't have that here." She said. "That's only in the areas with smaller populations. In the cities it's assumed that you'll need spells to get around. Younger students are restricted to spells that aren't very noticeable, but the older years are allowed to use most spells. Besides," she said, "we're of age. Sam just had her seventeenth birthday last week."

"Anyway," Sam said, "it's not like anyone in the city actually _pays attention_ to other people." She snorted. "You could dance around like a loony and no one would take more then a second look at you, they'll just assume you're crazy or have a hidden camera."

"A what?" Draco asked, unfamiliar with the muggle term.

"Never mind." Sam said, pushing him towards the opening in the wall, "we have work to do."

Ignoring Draco's protest, Alex grabbed his upper arm, dragging him through the small doorway. Draco felt his jaw drop as he stepped through said door; he had been expecting to walk into something like Diagon ally. Instead, Draco found himself walking into a small clothing shop.

"A clothing shop?" Draco asked, slightly shocked.

Alex nodded. "Yup, and when their closed, the bricks just stay a brick wall. Great way to prevent thief." she said as she began flicking through the clothes on the rack.

Her eyes lit up as she came upon a bright pink shirt that had snow white ruffles along the cuffs and down the center. "Oh god!" she exclaimed, and Draco was about to agree with her exclamation until she said "This is _perfect _for you Draco!"

Draco's face contoured into one of disgust as he stared at the horrid shirt. "You must be kidding me." Draco managed, not once taking his eyes off it, in fear that if he did, Alex would wrestle it onto him.

"No, no, no, Draco. I'm perfectly serious." Alex said with a shrug. "Things like this are all the rage here."

Just as Alex held it out for Draco to take, Sam poked her head up over another rack and smirked. "Alex, I may be mean…but at least I'm not into cruel and unusual punishment. I mean that's just" -Sam's face cringed- "mean."

Alex's face broke into a huge grin. "Isn't it though?"

Draco's grey eyes narrowed in anger. So they were trying to make a fool of him? Well Draco Malfoy was not one to be made a fool.

Slipping his wand from his sleeve, Draco decided to see if the girls had been telling the truth about the whole spell thing. Within seconds Alex was yelling in protest as the shirt she had been holding out to him attempted to force itself on over her head. Draco snickered from behind the rack as the shirt chased her around the store, knocking over racks of clothes.

Snorting, Sam pulled out her wand and flicked it towards the rampaging shirt. "Honestly, you forget you're a witch at the worst of times." Alex glared back from where she was strangling the pink, ruffled shirt.

"That'll be fifty-three ninety seven please."

Draco turned back in time to see a store clerk extend a hand towards Alex.

"What?" she asked, staring up at the clerk, pink ruffles forgotten between her hands.

"The price of that shirt you've just mauled is fifty-three ninety-seven." He said, adding "plus tax." As an after-thought.

"You can't be serious!" she yelled, trying to straighten the shirt and smooth the wrinkles from it. He shook his head, face held in a perfect semblance of serious-ness. Withdrawing her wand, Alex flicked it towards the offending shirt, muttering something under her breath as the wrinkles shook themselves free of the shirt. "Forget it." She muttered, hurring over towards where Sam and Draco were standing before grabbing them both by the arm and hauling them out of the store.

"Guess we can forget shopping there for awhile then." Sam muttered from Dracos' left.

"They were over-priced anyways, and their clothes always came out ratty when you took them out of the wash." Alex muttered back, continuing to drag the two of them away from the shop.

"Where are we going?" Sam asked, glancing around as Alex dragged them down a new street, grip not letting up. Draco tried to wiggle away from her clutches, if she held on much longer his arm would be start to bruise.

"Heart of the city." She said, letting got of their arms before darting into a crowd as it crossed another, busier road.

Sam smiled. "Perfect." She said before darting after Alex.

Draco followed, trying to keep up in the crowd as he ran after the two girls.

Heart of the City, it turned out, was yet another shop. 'A rather large one in fact.' Draco thought as he looked around.

Draco walked into the shop, and found him self quickly abandoned. Alex had walked over to the boy at the counter and Sam had disappeared into the rows of clothing. Frowning, Draco decided that it would be safest to go over to Alex. The thought of wandering around a muggle clothing shop frightened him.

"So yeah, some kid _actually _came." Alex said, a gin plastering her face.

Arching a blond eye brow, Draco sneered "_I _would be that some body."

But the black haired boy didn't seem to hear Draco; instead he was busy trying to breath through his fit of laughter. So Alex explained what was so funny. "Don't worry Draco, we're not making fun of you. It's just surprising that you came to Canada."

"Why would that be?" Draco asked, suspicious.

"Well you see, Marco here was the one who made the pamphlet."

Draco's eyebrows shot up. "You're the one who came up with that ghastly thing?" Draco wondered if the boy was on crack.

Draco's comment only made Marco laugh even harder. Alex herself grinned a little. "Well you see Draco, the only reason the teachers wanted to have this program was to get extra money for the school, because, well, their a bunch of money hungry assholes. And as the rebels of the student body, my self and my friends decided to take it upon ourselves to…improve the pamphlet to ensure that no one in their right mind would ever want to get involved with our school. Thus, the teachers get no money, and we win."

Marco stopped laughing long enough to say "We even had to break into the printing place to replace the real one with the fake one."

Alex nodded. "So you can imagine our surprise when someone decided to take up our offer." Alex paused for a moment before asking "Why did you come to Canada anyway?"

Draco sniffed, brushing an invisible piece of dirt off his sleeve. "Perhaps I wished to expand my horizons." He said, avoiding eye contact.

"Nah." Said Marco, eyeing Draco's expensive clothes. "A rich kid like you couldn't be THAT desperate to expand his horizons. What's your real reason?"

Draco looked down his nose at the black haired bloke, offended.

"Ah," he said, nodding, "problems with the 'rents huh?" Draco stared at him. Noticing Dracos' silence, Marco smiled, "Relax dude, everyone wants to escape now and then."

"I-er, have no idea what you're talking about." Draco said, annoyed that he'd been reduced to meaningless babbling.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Oh they couldn't possibly be that bad."

Draco cleared his throat "Yes…well. Didn't we come here to get me a proper disguise? We should really get started."

Frowning, Alex said "I suppose."

Draco began to sweat at the evil glint in both Alex and Marco's eyes…

1 hour later

Draco sighed as he lugged the heavy bags at his sides; he was now wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a far too tight t-shirt. (Or at least that's the muggle term Alex had called it.) In his own opinion, Draco -like his new 'friends'- was now a fashion disaster. At least he looked like a muggle now.

Draco was so busy thinking about how coming to Canada had been a bad idea, he didn't notice that both Sam and Alex had stopped walking at the cross walk. Raising an eyebrow, Draco shook his head and kept walking. Within seconds, horns were blaring and his bags had gone flying.

He gulped, starring at the shiny, reflective surface of a vehicle not a hairs breath from his face.

"Idiot!" Sam yelled, yanking him off the road and back onto the sidewalk as Alex dashed out to retrieve his bags, waving a hasty thanks to the driver who'd paused long enough to let her.

"Are you fucking nuts?!?" She shrieked when she reached him, joining Sam in her yell-fest. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Draco pondered the question for a second. "Well, that beastly contraption DID bruise my knees." He said, rubbing the offended area as if to prove his point. Sam hissed in irritation.

"Haven't you ever heard that unless the little man says walk, you don't fucking walk?" she said, straining to lower her voice so that people passing by didn't stare.

Draco stared at her; he hadn't heard or seen any 'little man' and said so.

Alex pinched the bridge of her nose while Sam took a deep breath. It was obvious to Draco that his new hosts were insane. Granted, not quite as destructively insane as the dark lord, but insane never-the-less. Perhaps it was similar to Dumbledores' type of insanity.

Sam took a deep breath as she pointed over across the street to a small yellow box where a large red hand was blinking at him. "You don't walk until that turns to a little man!"

"The box?" Draco asked, staring at Sam. She couldn't honestly expect him to believe the box turned into a leprechaun.

"No dummy, the picture IN the little box, see?" Draco looked over and was surprised to see the small box now displayed a picture of a walking man.

"When the little man says walk, you walk." Alex said, beginning to cross the road.

"And when the little man DOESN'T say walk you stay the hell where you are and don't fucking walk!" Sam said, swearing more then usual in her annoyance.

Draco said nothing, following the two girls across the road. This time he kept an eye on the yellow box, fingering his wand in his pocket. If it decided to try and change back into a red hand while he was walking, he would hex it so fast, it wouldn't know what hit it. Too busy watching the small box, he didn't notice when Alex shoved all his bags of clothes at him.

"Here." She said. "Worst come to worst, it'll cushion the important bits next time you decide to j-walk."

Draco decided not to dignify that comment with an answer. Instead he silently plotted his revenge against the stupid muggle box.

Word count: 1, 997

Pacific: Well, that was a fun chapter…kinda. It's not even late either!

Crimson: we did it! Hurray! Please Re- view


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